In this episode, Henri and Bridget discuss the importance of self-trust, the Law of Emergence, and Bridget's personal journey of self-discovery and healing. They highlight the significance of slowing down, practicing breathwork and meditation, setting boundaries, and navigating changing relationships as we grow and evolve.
In this episode, Henri and Bridget dive into the power of self-trust and the Law of Emergence, emphasizing that we have everything within us to become our best selves. Bridget shares her transformative journey with Elementum Coaching Institute, discusses the benefits of slowing down, practicing breathwork and meditation, and the importance of setting boundaries. They also explore how conditioning and societal expectations impact our ability to prioritize self-care and how creating a larger window of tolerance can be transformative. Bridget offers insights from her upcoming book, detailing the relationships that have shaped her life.
Takeaways
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For over a decade, Bridget has dedicated herself to mastering her health, mindset, and habits. Despite her efforts, she struggled with outdated patterns, beliefs, and behaviors that held her back from true peace and contentment. A turning point came after retiring from a 25+ year corporate career and experiencing a freak accident in 2021. A solo trip to Sedona, Arizona, led her to purpose, self-acceptance, healing, and a renewed connection with her husband. Along the way, Bridget learned to experience her emotions healthily and began shifting the limiting patterns that hindered her relationships.
Realizing her passion for helping others find peace and happiness, Bridget pursued education and certifications in personal development, life coaching, yoga, and health and wellness. As a coach and guide, she helps clients reveal their wholeness and achieve their desired outcomes. Her career, education, ongoing training, and personal inner work form her coaching arsenal, equipping her to provide clients with the tools and techniques to create inner peace, unlock potential, and live their ideal lives. Bridget firmly believes that those who find her are meant to, as she guides them on their journey of self-healing and happiness.
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Chapters
00:00 The Journey of Self-Trust and Self-Realization
06:11 Understanding the Impact of Personal Growth on Relationships
15:13 The Significance of Emotional Regulation and Self-Awareness
43:23 The Impact of Conditioning on Emotional Responses
55:07 The Importance of Releasing Emotions and Expanding the Window of Tolerance
Henri (00:00.206)
Hey there, you're tuning into Living Beyond Expectations, a podcast dedicated to exploring what life could be like if we all believed that we're the greatest source of our power. I'm Henri Emile, your host, coach, and an A -type overachiever. I'm joined by my friend and colleague, Bridget Budd, a former corporate leader, coach, teacher, and a soon to be published author. Bridget has been married four times, and in those experiences, she has gained tremendous wisdom, healing. This has ultimately led her to where she is today.
In today's episode, we're going to talk about what it means to build self trust and really what it means to believe that you do have all of the things that you need to grow into your most alive version of yourself. So I'm excited to have you here today. Welcome, Bridget. Thank you, Henry. I'm already tearing up. So I already have this disclosure that things I've learned over the years, the things that resonate with me or that are very deep or affect me. I have a lot of emotion, which is still,
It's all really happening. So congratulations. This podcast, I know, has gone through some iterations before it even kicked off. And it was a beautiful thing to see that this is what you wanted to do and how you want to share your gift with the world. So congratulations on the watch of the podcast and congratulations on becoming a new puppy daddy. Thank you. I so appreciate that. I actually forgot to mention also that Bridget is a apparently a dog whisperer.
and has been my go -to resource as I have just had a puppy arrive. He's on his fifth day with me. And in fact, full disclosure, I'm a solo dolo person in this production and you might hear my dog and I will do my best to edit him out if he gets needy or a little chirpy during our time together. But know that I'm doing the best that I can with what I've got. So I'm still in transition myself when it comes to this little puppy who I love already so much. So.
Thanks, Bridget. Great. So right off the top, I'd love to know from your perspective, what does it mean when you trust yourself?
Henri (02:14.322)
For me, it means, hmm, and when you knew it, I didn't even bring tissue. You know, this happens often, this happened a lot when we were working together and I'm used to it. I think a lot of people that probably are watching or listening may not realize it, but I do have a lot of emotion. I think because the subject is just so profound and for me, it means...
For me, believing in myself and trusting in myself means I am really aware.
Henri (02:51.502)
confident in how I show up in the world and that doesn't mean perfectly that means accepting that I may not show up exactly the way I want to every time It means forgiving myself. It means learning from that experience. It means really Believing that I have everything within me
to be at ease and joy and to just be in this world. And it's really about law of emergence, like you speak to quite a bit on this podcast. Yeah. And for everybody else, law of emergence, long and short of it, basically it states the symbol they use as an acorn. An acorn has everything it needs inside of itself to grow into the enormous, beautiful oak trees that we see today.
And so putting that on the, from the human perspective, that means that we have everything that we need within us. We are born that way to also flourish into the highest, most great, best version of ourselves, just like the acorn can. And so I just love that you, you brought that into this conversation because it, I believe fundamentally it's true. None of us are broken. None of us are incapable of growth.
And that doesn't mean that, you know, to go back to the acorn analogy, that there aren't weeds and rocks and stone and rainy days and storms and winds that come our way that can slow that down or inhibit that, you know, talk about traumas, big, big, huge traumas, and also just little traumas and all the little things that kind of stick in there. Those things can be in the way and sometimes they need to be released and transmuted into something different. But
we can be the greatest version of ourselves. Yeah, absolutely. And I think those things, you know, those things are disruptions, but there's this, you know, everything is a polarity, right? And so we can't have some without rain and we can't, you know, we can't have, I think a lot of us want to live in this state of bliss and happiness. And we're always aiming for how can I make myself happy every day? Well, it's not, it's not attainable because of the law of polarity, right?
Henri (05:14.318)
in order to understand how I can be happy and joyous, I have to have experienced sadness, grief, loss, right? I have to experience those things to know what ease and joy feel like. So yeah, and it's, and again, those things that you mentioned, you know, if you're using the apron allergy, wind and rain, those things are just disruptions. They're not things that keep you from growing. They're learning experiences. I think that's really of.
And you're familiar with this too, just kind of in this whole journey that we're all on of really understanding who we are and that self -realization and understanding that we have. And part of that is understanding the law of emergence, that we have everything we need already inside. Yeah, absolutely. And part of our experience together was that we went through Elementum. It's not the first time you'll hear about Elementum Coaching Institute here, because I will have all of my friends and colleagues from there on this show at some point.
But we had a special part of that program, which is called trios. And basically, it's nine weeks where you coach, get coached, and witness coaching between the three people in that trio. And Bridget was in my third one. And what was so interesting about that experience is at first, I had my haunches up. I had my defenses up. I was like, who are these people? They scheduled a meeting and didn't even tell me. Or like, hey, are you coming? They just let it go. And I missed it. And.
I was so mad at them, but really I was mad at myself because I didn't have my shit together that week. And then come to find out they were both two A types. We all jived so well on that front because we were just such doers and people that really are overachievers, even though there was still also a very different cut of how that manifested itself within each of us. But it was just such an awesome, wonderful growth edge for me. And so, you know, having us,
be able to come here today, you know, Elementum teaches you, but they also help you embody what you're being taught. So as I've said in the past, you're learning your shit and you're going through your shit at the same time. And that's part of the beautiful experience with Elementum. And so for you, Bridget, I know, you know, a lot of things have shifted since our trio time. And so I'd love to hear a bit about.
Henri (07:36.238)
of what that journey has been like in the last couple years since we finished that program. Yeah, and our trio was great, by the way. I did love our trio. I loved our whole group, too. We had such a great experience. And you do make such really good friends there. And friends in a way that where if we don't talk for a few months, we can reconnect and we all just really kind of hold space for each other, which is really, really wonderful. So I'm glad you brought up the trios because it was really a very cool process to go through.
And yeah, I loved it. So I love that time with you. And I'm happy to see a lot of the things that have come out of elementum for everyone, that they're all wanting to share that with the world, right? And be different in the world and show up differently. So that process for me, and I almost forgot, was that your question? Because this is what happens. I'm so focused on you. I'm like, what was your question again on me? good. Yeah, it was just...
A lot, I know that a lot has changed for you since Elementum in such beautiful, wonderful ways. And as you said, you know, we sometimes we've gone months without speaking and we just reconnected the other day and we were like, Hey, you want to do this? Right. And so a lot has changed for you. And I'd love to hear a bit about that journey in those last two years. Yeah. For me, so many things have shifted since Elementum before Elementum. I was really struggling in.
My fourth marriage. Yes, you had mentioned at the top of the top show. It's I've been married four times and I really didn't want to see this relationship end I Went or joined Elementum, but I joined Elementum not realizing that it was a coaching program I think I showed this with you I thought I was gonna get coached for nine months and that that was true. But then As I got into it, I thought my goodness, what did I get myself into? But it was really the universe put me where I needed to be but I
What's shifted for me since Elementum is the self -realization part and understanding that I wasn't broken, I wasn't damaged. What I thought was my personality maybe was a little bit, but it was really conditioning, conditioning from probably even before birth, my mother and you'll, if anyone decides to read my book, I've kind of noted a lot of these details in my book, so I won't go into too much, but.
Henri (10:02.638)
Even when I was conceived, my mom wanted to have an abortion. So energetically, I believe that my soul felt that. And so I think even since birth or even before birth, I've really had this sense of unsafety in the world. I had this sense of always needing to prove myself to be worthy. And I wasn't really even aware of that. I really thought what I was doing was my personality. And when I started to understand that,
the haste that I went through life with, the non -presence, the need to accomplish everything all of the time and quickly and in abundance was my way of really getting people to accept me and getting people to stay in my life and providing me with safety and security. And I've learned to, I've really learned to accept that that's how I showed up in my life for 47 years.
And it wasn't wrong, it wasn't bad, it wasn't good. It was conditioning, whether that was direct or indirect, and we all have that to some degree. And when you recognize you have parts of yourself that you don't really like to be in every day and that you don't like experiencing, you don't have to shift those things. But if you feel called to shift, then you get the opportunity to shift them. And that's what I've been doing. I've been shifting a lot of the things that don't bring me joy and don't bring me ease. And I've been able to...
relaxing to a body, a skin suit that sometimes seems foreign. I think I shared with you the other day before I started Alimentum, I had, or before I even started this journey, I had two books, I had a sales book and I had a fashion book. I have a huge library I discovered I like to read. So I think in a nutshell, I have just really been discovering who I am and I really like that person. Yeah, me too.
One of the things that I reflected to you when we were on our catch up before we even decided to do this was you just felt different. You felt so much more settled and slower and more open. And not to say that you weren't any of those things during our trio time together, but there's just, there's a difference. And I think even in reading, which I talked about on my first episode of this show, reading has this very calming,
Henri (12:27.726)
You have to slow down. There is no cell phone. There is no scroll. There is no beep, boop, text, thing, this notification. There's none of that. You're really just sitting there immersing yourself into someone else's world. And I'm actually curious, and we don't have the tangent too much on this, but are you physically reading books or are you digitally reading books? Absolutely physically reading a paper book. I tried digitally. It didn't work. And I will say one thing.
You can actually read a book really fast. It's called Being a Skimmer. And I was a skimmer. If you gave me something to read, I skimmed it and I blamed it on being a salesperson. And so my husband always knew, he learned that when he would give me something, he'd say, Bridget, I need you to read this. So you can't read a book quickly. You're just skimming it. You don't get the gist of it. But paper books for sure. And I just finished reading the Bhagavad Gita.
And it's so fascinating in the way people translate the Bhagavad Gita and the perennial psychology that comes from the Bhagavad Gita has just been fascinating. And that's probably a whole other show because I'm very, very much into Kundalini yoga. I'm a yoga teacher, but I'm also becoming a Kundalini yoga teacher. So yeah, Bhagavad Gita was, I just finished that up actually two days ago. That's amazing. Yeah. And so it allows you to slow down. And I think even
going back to what you've talked about this part of this transformation, the go, go, go, the achieve, the do, right? Even just reading and saying that you went from two books to having a vast library is such a testament to the work that you've been doing because now you're reading and it seems, and so I'm emphasizing this point not to drag it on or belabor it, but because it is such a tangible way to be like, how have I changed?
Well, I suddenly have a library of books. I suddenly read. I suddenly can allow myself to slow down enough and not feel, I'm sure, agitated. I mean, I can speak for myself that I used to read a lot more than I do recently, but it's something I want to get back into because I know that it slows me down. And so you've since gone through a couple of different programs. You mentioned in Kundalini Yoga. We've also done your regular yoga.
Henri (14:44.27)
regular, your yoga certification. And you've also gone through IIN's Holistic Coach program. And what are some of the takeaways that apply to your life that you've gotten from those experiences? Or how have you grown through those experiences specifically? Yeah, and you and I are colleagues from IIN as well too. yeah, that's true. We do a lot of things in tandem, right? Yeah.
How have I grown from those experiences? Gosh, I think it's like anything else. I can't imagine going through the Elementum program or the IIN program or any of these programs if you're really invested that you can't take away something from them, right? And I think that the biggest thing that I have taken away from all of these programs, and initially it was Elementum, was really working with my nervous system and understanding that.
In order for me to be curious, in order for me to learn, in order for me to be the knower, be the witness, any of these things, I have to be in my body. I have to feel in my body. I can't just be in this head brain, in my monkey mind, which by the way, still goes and goes and goes and goes. It's like this train of surface monkey in my mind. I have to go, I got it, I got it. Give me a minute, right? So I still work with those things, right? Because I think that's just human nature.
4 ,000 years ago and I read something in the Upanishads, it's the same thing. They were working with the monkey mind as well. So it's not a new concept, but what was a new concept to me was really understanding my nervous system and my vagus nerve and understanding that if I can control that, if I know how to control that, whether that's changing my blood chemistry through doing certain postures and poses, breath work, any of those things, if I can control my nervous system.
I can change how I respond to my environment. I can change how I respond versus react to external things in my life that before would really disrupt me, really knock me off my center and sometimes just destroy my mental capacity, my mood, everything for days. And that's really changed. And that was the biggest thing that's changed for me is understanding my nervous system.
Henri (17:04.366)
understanding how dysregulated I was for so, so long for the majority of my life. And that one thing, just understanding my nervous system, understanding how I respond to stress, understanding my condition, all of those things, that one part of the nervous system has allowed me to understand everything else because it allowed me to relax long enough to listen and to absorb. And you can't do that if you're running in your in survival mode. So yeah, I'd say nervous system was the
biggest game changer. But I think you mentioned it too, just feeling calm in my body and being able to focus, being able to focus on one thing and be present, which you know, people would say, be present. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hear you. If you would have told me that, I would have said, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm present. I got you. Slow down, Virginia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sitting here for a minute. I got you, right? Like I didn't know what I didn't know. And I had no idea.
And when I started feeling how I feel, now I look back and go, gosh, I don't know how I lived for so long without being ill, without having some type of repercussion. Luckily I didn't. Yeah. Yeah. And what's interesting too is I like to say that when you're not present, you're in suffering. And that's really because, I mean, think about it. If you're not in the present moment, if I'm not here with you right now, if my brain and my thoughts,
and my body is somewhere else, whether I'm worrying about, how is this episode gonna go in the future? Or when am I gonna release it? Or when am I gonna have time between my puppy and all this, right? I'm anxious, I'm worrying, I'm thinking about that thing. Or I'm in the past and I'm looking back and reflecting and wishing in the woulda, coulda, shoulda's and all those things. But either way, you're suffering in both directions. And suffering doesn't have to be, I've got cut and I'm bleeding out. It's like, you're just not in a state of either contentment.
your your somewhere else. And that doesn't allow you to fully want to experience what we're experiencing in this very moment. But then also, your nervous system, to your point is, is either activated because you're anxious and worried about what's going to happen, or you're sad about what happened already, which you obviously can't change anyway. So it's kind of a moot point. And I think the nervous system is really it's one of the most intelligent operating systems. When you you know,
Henri (19:25.454)
all the age of AI and the way that we kind of think about everything now, like the nervous system is one of the most or is the most, in my opinion, supercomputers that exist on the planet. Trillions of signals go through that puppy and to understand it and to be able to, as you said, the vagus nerve, to be able to take your body from the future or from the past and just simply breathe, just breathe a few breaths.
to suddenly be like, yeah, okay. I'm sitting a little taller. I feel my hands. I feel my feet is such a wonderful way to live. Such a great spot to start from, if you will. Yeah, I agree completely. And I think what's interesting about what you said is if you would have said this thing, if we would have had the same conversation five years ago, I probably wouldn't have sat here long enough. I would have been doing a million other things. You would not have had my full attention.
If you would have said to me, okay, or to just sit down, breathe, meditate, all the things that people tell you, I'd be like, I don't have time for that. I got things to do, I got shit to do, I'm like, sorry. I'm like, I got something to do. Swearing is totally allowed. I've already sworn at least four times. I've been holding it back. No, swear away. I've got shit to do. I can't, I don't have time to breathe, I don't have time to breathe. Breathing is how we survive. And if I'm not taking a big enough, if I'm not taking a deep enough breath,
and my breath is so shallow and yet I'm still asking my body to move in a way that keeps it going forward. I'm never really catching my breath and breath is huge. And there's typically in my experience in working with people, there's this huge resistance to slowing down, doing breath work and meditating. It seems so, to use my husband's words, woo woo.
But if you take the time as coaches or if you just understand breath work or you're an educator in breath work or yoga teacher, whoever, if you understand breath work and you start teaching people that when you allow your body to breathe in a certain way or when you meditate and you are able to shut your mind down for a moment, it's like a computer. You've got to turn it off and restart it every now and then. Otherwise, it's dysfunctional, right? So meditation is almost like giving your
Henri (21:46.574)
body and your mind essentially this quick little reset and even if it's only five minutes and you know a lot of people even struggle with five minutes. I used to really struggle with five minutes. Good gracious. That's my little okay I gotta go to the grocery store I gotta do this I'm like shit this is a meditation let me pull it back. Okay now I gotta get the dogs need out. god I can hear somebody in the front door. Shit here I am come back right. So it's so difficult to learn how to meditate and I think when you can really understand how.
it works in your body, how it affects your blood chemistry, all these things. It's really just that little five minutes that's yours or 10 minutes that's yours. And it starts to become something that you crave. And you say, I need my five minutes. I need my five minutes. And then I need my seven minutes and I need my 10 minutes. And then it gets bigger. And then you protect that. And you go, look, my day is so busy. It's so chaotic, but I just want these five, 10, 15, 11 minutes, whatever it is. And when you.
get to that point, it's just, it's very euphoric, right? And I don't know how to explain it. It seems all weird. And I get, I get that if you listen to it, what the hell is she talking about? But when you have that experience, that euphoric experience, being calm, being in your own body and being able to rely on yourself for whatever you need. If I'm upset, if I'm angry, if I'm happy and I can go within and I can just get it all from here. It's a wonderful feeling.
And I think even on, you know, when I'm upset and being able to be in my own body and rely on myself, it's I think oftentimes we rely on other people to soothe us, right? Or to sue that part of us that's in pain or in suffering at the in that moment. And even what happens sometimes is they didn't do it the right way for you. And so then now you're suffering even more because you're blaming them like you can't sue with me. You can't help me. Like you're not here for me. All that stuff, which is totally understandable.
Right? There's no shame in that. But there's so much more magic that can happen when you say, I feel uncomfortable. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm going to sit with that for a moment. And I'm going to, and I've, I'm, I'm the one giving myself the hug. I'm the one rubbing on my boo -boos. Like I have got me right. And even with meditation, right. Meditation for me, even sometimes still sometimes still, and I've been doing this for a while now and I'm
Henri (24:12.75)
in my breath work certification right now, I feel nervous sometimes going to meditate or going to do breath work and not nervous like, what's going to happen, but nervous in my body where it's like, do I have enough time? It's like that nervous frantic energy, right? And every single time I just breathe through it and I say, you do have this. I'm in fact, one of the habits I'm trying to develop right now is when I have that, do I have time thing pop in, which happens a lot for me, I will.
breathe into it and just, you know, like a Byron Katie type of question, just be like, is that true? Is that really true? Do you really not have enough time? And then once I do it, of course, I'm like, thank goodness. And as you said, with this puppy, I'm trying to figure out where in my day can I do this? Where can I get enough time where he's not going to chew a plant, a cord, the furniture, where he's not going to shit or piss everywhere?
Where am I getting my time for my meditation? Because I can already tell you that I'm feeling it because I haven't meditated yet this morning. But yeah, it's taking that time for yourself and that's slowing down. It just sounds super woo woo. And I've said it on another podcast. I think that term is a way to just belittle that connection that we have with ourselves and the divine. And so we don't have to tangent on that specifically. But.
I'd love to shift gears a little bit. We also talked about how, even during our trio time, there were moments where you were starting to grow and evolve and you would go on trips with friends and family. Or even now, in this time, like two years later, where there would just be moments where you'd have to set a boundary or moments where a friend or...
you know, someone that you're really close with, right, which is nothing bad against them. But there would be this moment where it's like, yo, you're just this way. And you'd have to be like, am I really that way anymore? Or you'd have to have some kind of correction type of conversation. So I'd love to talk about how when you start to trust yourself, and you start to develop that relationship with yourself, what can evolve externally outside of yourself and especially in your relationships? Yeah, really good question. Because I know we chatted about this too. And
Henri (26:30.094)
When you can understand that it's not the external source, that's the issue. And you can understand that the issue is already inside. It's just the external source is activating that, right? The external source is causing you to look within to see what's happening. And what you asked was funny because that happened to me on different ends of the spectrum. We were on vacation. It was my husband's 50th birthday and we're in St. John, we're driving around and we're getting it all together.
I think I was sharing with you, I had 25 people we were hosting in two different houses, there was so much shit going on. I'm an only child, so I'll try to keep it quick. But we were busy and my really, really good friend, I looked at her and I said, gosh, are you okay? What's wrong? And she paused for a moment. She's not even in this space. So I think it was beautiful that she did that. She paused for a moment and she said, Bridget, your energy is really just too much at the moment and it's causing me to be in a bad mood. And I could have reacted in.
a way that I could have said, whatever. And I could have just ignored her and not really cared that I was affecting her or my energy was affecting her and I didn't know. I was at a place in my journey where I could too pause, even though I could feel that I was activated, because it was, I'm thinking to myself, gosh, I didn't need to do that, right? I'm being defensive. I could pause for a moment and I could say, gosh Deb, I didn't know that. Thank you for letting me know. I appreciate it. I can't change what I don't know. I took a couple of deep breaths.
And I was able to just move forward and I forgot all about it. And I don't think we're always balanced enough and centered enough in our body to be able to take in that information from someone that we care about without being defensive and reacting negatively because we feel like we've done something wrong. And she was gracious enough and I was patient enough with myself to accept that I was doing something that was affecting her. And I was able to shift that. And so it's really.
If I could have given myself a gold sticker, I wouldn't have given myself a gold sticker. But then the other day we were headed to Qigong. I do Qigong too because I love the energy piece. And she was saying something to me and I can't remember exactly what it was, but she was referring to how I was years ago. She's known me now for eight years. And I heard it come out of my mouth and I don't remember thinking about it, but it came out of my mouth. And I said, yeah. I said, that's...
Henri (28:51.342)
I used to be like that. I said, you know, I've been working really hard to shift that. She was, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm so sorry. You're right. I think me just speaking up and using my voice and being able to say it from a balanced and centered place. It didn't it didn't come off as though as I was being rude or condescending or correcting her. I was just letting her know, yeah, I hear you. And I understand that I'm working really hard to shift that and just kind of bringing that back to her attention. And she was really gracious, too. And so you can only do that from a.
place of centeredness and balanced mind, right? And that self -realization. So yeah. Yeah. Give me one second. I have to fix something. No. I'm turning into a pro now. I was hoping you'd bring that little puppy up so we can squeeze him in the beginning. I should actually bring him up in the end. I think I will. I know. That would be great. I just didn't realize my phone wasn't on D &D. All right. We're good. That's right. Hopefully you shared with people that his name is Christopher Robin.
I didn't. I will do that. So I think what you're saying and what you're pointing to is really interesting, right? We are, for better or for worse, I think they were often conditioned not to advocate for ourselves, right? That somebody else will do that. Somebody else will advocate or we're taught, and I know that this is how I thought. And as soon as I heard this in Elementum, I was this idea that boundaries are not us setting actions.
and responses and ways of being on other people. Boundaries, and this is part of what you're speaking to when you spoke up to your friend in this nonchalant kind of just like, you know, hey, that's who I used to be. You know, I'm working on that. That was indirectly kind of a boundary where boundaries are about the actions in this responses and the ways of being that we will take in response to someone else's. Right. So if, if, if your friend says this,
I will do this. If my friend goes right and I don't want to go right or right makes me uncomfortable, I'm going left. It's what I am going to do. In that moment, I am in charge of, I am sovereign to my reactions and my responses. And we're conditioned not to do that. We're also conditioned not to be able to have conversation where we... And even I don't even have the right language for it, like push back.
Henri (31:14.638)
Right. And in that moment, it wasn't a pushback, but that's the only thing that comes to mind. Because see, I'm also indoctrinated the same way. It's like you just were like, hey, no, actually, it's something else. And it was non confrontational. You were able to, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. And go about your day, go about still having respect and love and care for each other. No one's nervous system was suddenly like, fuck you. What do you do? You know, there was none of that. And I think as you develop that self -trust and that that.
slowing down and that ability to recognize how you feel and be able to sit with your own stuff. You can start to advocate and start to communicate where things no longer work for you. And I think the other beautiful part that we spoke about was.
your relationships also might change. And this is, you know, a lot of different podcasts on a lot of different healers and energy workers and coaches talk about this, but I'd like to take a moment to talk about that, right? Where you start to change. A lot of other things start to change in your surroundings. And you're right. And people, and I remember our coaches mentioning it. I remember Christine Hasler, one of her wonderful teachers. I remember her mentioning that.
in one of our classes. And I remember thinking, yeah, yeah, yeah, nothing's gonna change. I got it, I'm fine. Nothing's gonna change. They don't tell you how it's gonna change, because they don't know how it's gonna change, because it affects everybody differently. And they don't tell you that you may have to go to a friend or acquaintance in your life that's really not bringing you ease and joy. That you may have to go to them and say, hey, there's nothing wrong with you. It's just not working for me, right? It's the...
It's not you, it's me. It really is. I wasn't feeling the energy with this specific person. I really had to have a friendly conversation and pull her out of my life to the degree that she was in. And there was nothing wrong with her, it just wasn't working. And they don't tell you that you may have to have those conversations. They don't tell you that as you raise your vibrational energy, the people around you are gonna be searching unconsciously for their position in your life.
Henri (33:23.694)
They don't tell you that if you are with a significant other that as you shift that energy, their energy may shift upward down and they're not going to know where their place is. And that was a really big struggle for my husband and I. It's been a different struggle. We've, good Lord, he's a master teacher. We've had so many struggles, but the struggle lately is really, I am, I'm not, I don't want to say different because I'm still me, but my energy has changed. And I don't mean energy level. I mean my vibe.
And I think sometimes he doesn't always understand where he fits into what he calls my new life. And we met and we were trauma bonded and he didn't realize that and neither did I. And we met when I was, I guess you can put it this way. We met here, right? When we were both here. And now my energy is kind of doing this. And I mean energy in the sense that my physical, mental, my...
energetic body, everything has energy in it, right, is just vibrating differently, a different frequency, if you will. And his isn't really doing that. And so it's we're really still kind of finding our balance in those frequencies. And. Yeah, I think it's just.
I keep losing my train of thought when you're asking me because there's so many things that you and I could talk about on this podcast. I think you and I could have a four hour conversation. It's absolutely enough. And it still wouldn't be enough. Yeah. Yeah. So I think, you know, what's interesting when you say it's, they're not clear on the how, right? How will that relationship change? How will things, how will we have different relationships? What relationships may need to be released and let go? Yeah.
and what relationships
Henri (35:17.262)
no longer serve us, right? And again, that's the woo woo language, supposedly, but how does it serve us? And what that really means is if you're going to hang out with a friend and that friend just stresses you out, the idea of going to hang out with a friend, or maybe, it's so interesting how it kind of can show up in different ways where every time you go to hang out with that friend, you get diarrhea. Or every time you go to hang out with that friend, you are sweating and anxious and like,
thinking about the experience you're about to have with that friend. Or then when you're in their presence, they drain you and you leave feeling like complete shit. You don't feel uplifted. You don't feel joy. You don't feel like, that was so good to be able to connect with this person and just do whatever we did or even just sit, talk over a coffee. That was wonderful. And I leave feeling better than when I got there. When you don't have friends that do that, and those are just some of the ways it can manifest.
in so many different, even more subtle nuanced ways of where these relationships no longer just, they don't vibe, they don't jive with where I am energetically, where I am in my vibration, they just don't. And you really have to look at yourself and it's nonlinear and sometimes it can be really challenging, but at some point you have to get enough respect, get enough.
of that, I think that self -trust, that relationship to really be honest and say, does this person detract? What is the, you know, what's the outcome of me hanging out with that friend where I left feeling drained? How long did it take me to stop feeling drained? Did that last a day, a two? And then what happened in my life or could have happened if I wasn't drained those two days or, you know,
or you go home for Thanksgiving, right? And I know family's a little bit different, but you go home for Thanksgiving, you spend two or three days there and you come home and your nervous system is blown out and you are agitated and upset and angry and resentful for the next two weeks. What could have happened in those two weeks had you maybe done something differently or showed up differently in that experience? And again, Thanksgiving's a little bit more nuanced because family is a whole different conversation. But...
Henri (37:33.55)
with those relationships in your life, how do they impact you? And do they serve the purpose of, if we're saying the purpose of our lives is to be at our greatest joy, our greatest health, our greatest wealth and abundance, our greatest level of contentment and happiness when it comes, and they're not doing that?
Hit the road Jack. That's it. Yeah. And when you have a really, when you have a good relationship with yourself, I feel like, at least for me, when I, when I am centered, when I'm balanced, when I do my son and when I do what I need to do so that I am in the state of being that I need to be in, to show up in the world for everyone else during the day, including myself, when I have that good self relationship.
it's easier to set those boundaries, right? To be able to set those limitations, to be able to say, hey, this isn't feeling right for me and my body. I don't want to continue this any longer. And I think, you know, family is different and it isn't different because again, I think it's about the relationship with yourself. You know, you mentioned relationships. It's about how do I cultivate the type of relationship with myself?
that I would want someone else to share with me. So if you think about it, if you think, I wish my spouse did this for me. I wish my friend did this for me. Well, how can I show up in those ways for myself? Because when I can, I'm more resourced. When I'm more resourced, I feel more balanced. I feel more centered. I can then speak with you and engage with you and be in your energy and support you because I have that self -realization, right? I really know who I am to be confident enough to set those boundaries.
and to say what I need to say in a loving and compassionate way, but that shares how I'm feeling. And to your point earlier, we've been conditioned out of that. If you think about the child, they're five years old and they want the cookie, right? And I give this explanation to my clients a lot. You're really busy, you come home from work, or let's even say your puppy, your super puppy is hard because it's not really, you can't really tell them no, but you have this five -year -old child and you're busy, you come home from work and you're doing a million things, you're trying to get dinner together or whatever.
Henri (39:44.91)
You've had a busy day and your kids want, hey, I want a cookie, you want a cookie. Dinner's in an hour, just wait. The kid keeps persisting, persisting. At some point the child starts crying because they want the cookie. That's a natural behavior. They get very upset. They are releasing that energy that's built up in their body because they want the cookie and they're being told no. They instinctively know to release that energy. We as adults have been conditioned out of that. They're crying, they're throwing a temper tantrum. The parent has a couple ways they can handle that.
they can say, okay, no problem. And just let the child cry and get it out. Because most people know that have kids, within five minutes, the child's laughing, they've moved on to something else. They've gotten that energy out of their body, and they're good. They know how to regulate themselves. That's really a form of regulation in their nervous system. In a lot of cases, parents, and this is no fault of parents, this is what we have all been conditioned to do from birth. Some parents will look at that child and say,
Don't cry, you do something to cry about. Go in your room, I don't want to see you there. Stop crying. Don't be a little girl or whatever. They do these things that society tells them, you know, whatever verbiage it is. And the child then begins to start to go, wow, it's not safe for me to express my emotions. It's not safe for me to cry. I probably shouldn't do that because maybe mom doesn't love me now or they're getting very upset. I don't want that. So then the next time they go to cry, and this is kind of an exaggeration, obviously this happens over time, but.
Eventually that child starts to learn if that happens often enough that they really can't express their emotions. They have to hide them in. Nobody wants to see them. They're not going to be consoled when they express their emotions. And that just gets conditioned out of us as we get older and get older. And like you said, if I'm sitting at dinner with my family at Thanksgiving and someone's activating me because I haven't dealt with my own stuff, right? I haven't released some energy from a past trauma or something. Then what's happening is I'm not centered. I'm not balanced enough.
And I don't know how to express that to my loved one. I don't know how to express that to my family member. It comes out in anger, right? And anger isn't love. It's not compassion. It's not kindness. And we don't know how to express that because it has been conditioned out of us. And I think that's kind of what comes back to me all the time is what is me and what is the condition to me? And when I can really understand me, it helps me communicate more effectively. It helps me communicate in a compassionate way, compassionate way, whether that's
Henri (42:12.558)
or passionate, whether that's my family, whether that's my friends, whoever, right? It's really about me and me being centered and balanced. And then from that place, I can love you, I can support you, and I can care about you enough to speak my truth. Yeah, if that makes sense. Yeah, absolutely. And what you're really also pointing at is in the grander scheme of this conversation is.
The more you start to trust yourself, the more that you're able to feel your emotions, like, I feel that thing. It's over in the left side or the left side. It's over in the left side of my abdomen. And there's that thing. There's some activation there. There's some energy or I'm feeling something in my chest or I'm feeling really sad or I'm feeling really angry and I need to hit something or I, you know, whatever that is, when you start to understand and feel all of that, you then trust.
that you will be able to handle whatever comes your way because you'll know what the feeling is that is coming from that thing. Right. And I think that it's when we can't communicate when we're conditioned not to do that. Like it's.
If I get mad, if I'm at dinner and that person says this thing, I'm going to go off the handle, right? Because I don't know, I can't feel the anger. I can't recognize the anger when it's there. I can't then sit with it and be like, yeah, I'm mad, but it's fine. Like it's not fine. I'm not condoning what they're saying is, you know, especially when you start to get in politics and religion at Thanksgiving, which inevitably always happens. But it's like, I trust that I don't.
have to go off the handle of them. Because I have dealt with my anger. And not only that, as a side note, you don't have to process your anger towards someone else with them. You can do that all by yourself without having to involve the other person at all, because oftentimes the other person isn't even going to give you what you want. Anyways, you're not going to get your scalp from screaming at them, you did this to me when I was 10, and blah, blah. They're going to be like either
Henri (44:21.326)
I'm really sorry that I did that or are they going to be like, no, because they're also human beings too, working through their own stuff. So yeah, and to your point about that, well, two things to your last point about that is, you know, one of the ways that I was able to forgive my mom for my experience in my childhood, my adolescence was really saying, and this, this wasn't overnight, don't get me wrong, but it was, it was when I can be in a place where I'm centered and balanced, right? And I've done that nervous system work.
I can look at it from a different paradigm, from a different perspective, not the victim perspective and the victim intelligence, which I never thought I did, but I think in some ways I did do that. But I can look at it from a perspective and go, gosh, she was 19. She didn't want to get pregnant. She went ahead with it for whatever reason it was. I'm grateful. And at 19, good gracious, I wouldn't want a child today, right? Like I cannot wait for grandchildren because I can play with them and then give them back, right? But I think...
When you're 19, she was barely 19. Holy shit, 19. I can't even imagine. I think my child would have been a disaster. So the fact that what I went through makes complete sense. She was only, she did what she could with the resources that she had, whether that's financial, mental, physical, she only had a certain amount of resources. And when I look at how she grew up, it's no wonder.
I experienced what I experienced. I'm able to forgive that piece because I can go, she's human. I can't imagine being in that space, right? That allows you to release some things. And I think, like you just said, when you try to address something with someone in anger, you're really addressing from a place of point, this external thing bothered me. You need to fix it as opposed to going, I've got the resources in here.
I can work through this. I just have to understand. Here's what I ask myself, typically when I'm aggravated, which by the way, is often several times an hour on occasion still happens. But now I say to myself, okay, what am I feeling and what do I need? And here's the caveat I do want to, I do want your listeners to know is that when you can stop for a moment, even if there's so much chaos around you and just take a deep breath and go, what am I feeling? And.
Henri (46:43.086)
What do I need at the moment? That's a game changer. Because I can say, I'm feeling activated and angry. What do I need? I just need to punch something at the moment. OK, Bridget, that's probably not how I want to show up in the world. What do I really need? I need a few moments to myself, typically. That's usually the answer. I just need five minutes. So I'll go in a different room. I'll remove myself if I can. If I can't, I then, and I think this is another Christine Housler thing, so you have to correct me. I was going to bring it up, so I'm glad you are. Yeah.
If I can't and it's too busy and like we've got a million things going on, I don't have a moment to remove myself or be able to give myself what I need. I will then say, okay, when we get home tonight at 8 p I will take 10 minutes and let's just go through this and let me understand what's activating me. So the reason I do that is because I'm telling my brain, I'm not dismissing you. I'm acknowledging that you're activated. I'm acknowledging that you need something, but I can't address it right now.
So I'm going to address it, but let's just address it here, right? It's reserving that space for me to really go within and be aware and curious. And that's really huge too, because it's creating that space to make a better choice in how I want to show up. Yeah. And I think what's also beautiful about that, it's like the, you know, I think the example that she often talks about even on her podcast is, I'm nervous, but I'm about to go up on stage or something.
angered me, but I'm about to go speak to all these people. I can't, I obviously can't do anything with that right now. It's like, I see you, I acknowledge that you are so angry or you're so this right now and I will come back to you later. And the other side of that is that then you start to condition your nervous system to not hold it. Right? Cause oftentimes what we do is, I'm so angry or I'm so nervous or I'm petrified or I'm upset or I'm annoyed, whatever the feeling is. And we don't do anything with it. So we, it just comes in.
and just sits there and it just goes into our nervous system, right? Which can lead to all kinds of different anxiety disorders, stress disorder, like depression, all of this stuff where when you acknowledge it and be like, hey, it's there and you know, and you stick to it, right? It's all about being also in self integrity as much as you can be. We're not perfect. So it's not always perfect, but go do that. You know, if you're angry and you couldn't address that anger then, but you get home and.
Henri (49:04.302)
You know, I have one and my mom has one and I buy I preach to everybody to get one, you know, those little teeny toy bats and you beat the shit out of that pillow like, this really made me angry. And then it's gone. And then it's up and out of your body and you've conditioned your body to come back to those things. And what's really beautiful, I think, and kind of encapsulates all of this conversation, which is interesting because again, we had a sense of where we wanted to go, but nothing really concrete is the.
The pattern in this conversation is really about slowing down and noticing and how that really leads to the ability, right? You can't change, you can't fight, you can't do what you can't see. You can't do anything about anything that you can't see. And what is really happening in this conversation is when you slow down and start to be able to notice when you're not going 100 miles an hour, doo -doo -doo, or whatever that version of speed is for you,
you start to build awareness. And over time, you build, how do I now handle that awareness? Like, what do I do with the knowledge of the thing that I'm doing or the way that I'm being? What do I do with that, right? It's a process, but it's beautiful and it can simply start with slowing down. Yeah. And if you were to tell me to slow down again, several years ago, as I shared with you before, when you say that to people instinctively, I can't, I can't, I can't, I got too much to do because we are,
Again, conditioned by our society that in order to be successful, we have to achieve. We have to be busy. And if you're not busy, you have to look busy. God forbid you sit down on the couch for an hour and read a book. And in the middle of the day, someone says, what's wrong with you? Are you sick? Right? So we've been conditioned. So it's how, again, be centered and balanced enough that you don't allow those external influences, people telling you what's wrong, people telling you, you should be doing this or you shouldn't be doing this.
If you can filter out that noise and be true to you and what you need, I think that's again where you start really shifting who you are and it's experiences in and experiences out to what you were talking about. We breathe in air, we expel air. We take in food, we eliminate food, right? Experiences are no different. When we take in an experience and we don't release that experience, it stays in our body and then eventually becomes chronic pain and disease.
Henri (51:30.862)
And you know, we had the example too, and I know you're familiar with this one, and if you watch your dog as he grows up, and we all have, you know, if you had an animal in your life, my dog does this really well. She gets scared on the walk and she's like, I got to get it out. I got to get it out. Right? You can see her doing that. They shake it out instantly. Exactly. And as little kids, we know instinctively how to do that. We cry, we yell, we share with temperate nature. Right? So instinctively we know how to do that. Again, we have everything we did inside, but it's conditioned.
So I think if there's, if our, your listeners are going to get something out of our conversation, it's certainly becoming more centered and balanced through nervous system work and we can all use it. I don't care who you are. No one escapes their childhood or adolescence without experiencing something that has created some type of behavior pattern that they may not want.
But it's really just finding that center place, finding that balance and working with your nervous system, understanding your window of tolerance when you go out of that window of tolerance, how to build that window of tolerance. And just really quickly on that, and that's for everybody listening, if you're not familiar, it's basically kind of your viewport. Like, you know, when you have this kind of this is how much you can see, right? This is where you're safe. This is where you're good.
Right now, this is clearly very small, right? And anything that triggers your nervous system very quickly, there's no space there. You're gonna go outside of that where suddenly it's unsafe and you're like, your whole nervous system's on fire. And what you can do over time is actually build that viewport so it becomes larger and larger. And so when adverse things, or good or bad things, when they happen, you have a lot more space in between there to ebb and flow to where your nervous system doesn't totally freak out.
where you don't totally freak out because you're triggered and you're able to then also return back down, whoo -sah, and just kind of let it go, right? That's what we're talking about when we say window of tolerance. And that's what I work with my clients the most is really getting them to understand the nervous system. Because again, I don't think that you can really take in and materialize and embody anything else after that because you really have to be in a right, again, balanced space, but to your point.
Henri (53:49.006)
That window of tolerance was so small for me. And what that looked like is someone cutting me off and going, what the fuck? And just losing my shit and then ruining my whole day. It's when you have a reaction that's bigger than what the experience calls for, that's when you're like, God, this is not the right, this is not appropriate.
And it's not even about that moment. You're bringing in stuff from something else. Something else is coming in there. 100%. And when you start to understand, like I think if someone could have measured mine, if there was such a tool, it was like this. So anything would set me off. I think my middle name was frustration. People just knew me as frustrated and fast. And as I built that window of tolerance, I no longer would find myself, and it was mostly hyper arousal, right? Not hypo. Hypo is kind of lethargic and a little more...
just kind of something in. Yeah, I was hyper arousal. And so really kind of pulling that back in and expanding that window of tolerance has been again, one of the single most transformative things for me, because from there, everything else has taken off when I'm able to really just again, understand that nervous system and be able to regulate it. Yeah, that's probably the biggest thing for me. I love that. And so,
To summarize in a quick sentence, I think we need to cry and freak out like kids and shake like dogs. That really kind of seems to be the way. Just release that shit. Don't hold onto it. It doesn't serve us. It doesn't help us. Just release it. I'm going to let you start that. I'm going to let you start that. So just start going around the world in society. And when you're in Millenior, just crying and shaking.
and then you kick it off. Then let's see. Let's all cry and shake. Yeah, and that's the thing. Can you imagine you doing that? Here's where our society is. If you decided to do that, which is your natural instinct, our society is going to look at you and go, what's wrong with you? They're going to start labeling you. They're going to start saying things to you. And then that's part of it. It's like, gosh, now I've got these people saying this. I'm not going to do it because they don't know and it seems weird. And then you're not being true to you. So kick it off.
Henri (56:02.798)
I'll follow your lead and we'll see where it takes us. Sounds awesome. Well, I'd love to give you an opportunity to let people know where they could find you. And also if you want to give a quick plug to your book that's coming out in 2025. yes, I know. I was trying to get it out this year. I originally started the book as a healing process for myself. It's been very cathartic. If you ever really want to know who you are,
write a memoir, it will shock the hell out of you because the chapters that I thought would be really quick, I've really had to sit with and say, gosh, this is how I was showing up. And then I see the pattern. I see the pattern of my parents and I think, let's see the pattern of my grandparents. I'm like, okay, I can forgive a little easier now. So yeah, my book is slated for early 2025. It is about the several relationships that I feel have shaped me the most.
my three parents, my dad and my biological, I'm sorry, my mom, my biological dad and my dad that adopted me when I was two and a half. And then the four, yes, four marriages that I have experienced and one that I'm currently in. So it's about those relationships, 2025, and they can find me on my website at Holistic Life Nutrition, and that's Holistic with AW. Awesome. And I think there's also a notification form that they can sign up to if they want to get notified of when your book comes out. So.
I'll make sure that I drop the link to that in the show notes. Otherwise, this has been such a great conversation. I have loved to see how you've evolved since our time together in Elementum, and it's just absolutely beautiful. And so, so nice, right? I'm leaving this space feeling very energized and very happy. And that's the way it should be when you're in relationship with people that really just bring so much wonderful energy to your life. So thank you.
Well, thank you. And that's a tribute to your energy as well. And again, congratulations on this podcast. It's wonderful. And I told you, I know we got to go, but I told you, I'm so happy to see the direction you've taken this podcast. I think it's beautiful. And again, it's gone through so many iterations and I think this iteration feels like you, I'm honored to be on it and always enjoy our conversations, whether they're about your dog or whatever it may be. So, you know, we can do this for hours. So.
Henri (58:22.734)
Received. I'm actually going to run and get my dog real quick. So if you could give me just a moment just to say hi to everybody. So this is Mr. Christopher Robin, who has been such a doll. He actually made no sound. And he was great this entire call. And now he's awake and he's ready to not be quiet. So with that, thank you for tuning in to Living Beyond Expectations and I'll see you next time. Take care.